confessions of a ramoneur

For some reason this journal crapped out on me...I can't read my page or my friend's pages so I got a new account. you can look me up by me AIM- Love Ramoneur or by my username...
findmeodlisque

i'm most likely going to re-add all of you...but just a heads up.


blah this is my 4th try haha

Typically my mall trips are very quick. I usually just go in for a particular item and I leave. My apparal is never really that great either. Usually I'm wearing jeans and throw on a sweatshirt...I mean...who am I trying to impress?
So usually I see all those fake hollister girls or just girls that look ridiculously beautiful and part of me always feels bad about myself. Its not like I have low self-esteem but we all have moments when we feel ugly. So today after I got coffee with Mr.Perry I went to the mall. I was feeling great and looking even better. haha I even got recruited to work at Abercrombie and Fitch. haha so anywho I was shopping and while I was catching glipmses of myself in the mirror I felt like one of those ridiculously beautiful girls.

OK I know its lammmeee-o rama to the max but it was a fantastic day (minus the fact that i called some guy the wrong name in the heat of the moment) haha

anywho I'm way happy right now :)

Today was an awesome day. Minus the fact that its almost 4:30 and all I've had is coffee....I actually forgot to eat. Well anyway I went and met one of my old teachers for coffee and we talked for two hours! It was such good insight and it was nice to get re-inspired.

I forget just how much potential I have, and I fall into a rut of mediocraty. I need to focus on writing and getting the heck out of here.

Wow, what a fantastic afternoon. This one I am keeping for myself. Anyway I've rambled enough. I think I am going to go listen to the decemberists....of course. ;)

I am done being in love with someone who doesn't love me back.

and NO even if its in the form of a decemberists song, it doesn't feel any better.

(ok i could make two songs out of that sentence but....)

ARGH! we've been friends for two years and he's liked me since the day we met. i just...i don't know.

i give up on love.

OK so yesterday I woke up with odalisque stuck in my head and I listened to it like a bazillion times...maybe 8? well anywho I carpool to OCC with a friend, and we were driving back to his mom's yesterday afternoon. We were being pretty frisky and flirtatious all day....but anywho we're on the 60 going west and I (with encouragement from him) deceided to go down on him while he was driving. (not a smart idea because it is..THE MIDDLE OF THE AFTERNOON) Ok so i'm going down on him, enjoying his moans and then we stopped (silly traffic) and he says..." I think people can see us" So I stop and he said that a drunk driver drove by, lifted up his glasses and winked at him

*sigh*

I guess they found me odalisque....except I didn't have a baby, and i was surrounded by 10 dirty jews. But doesn't it sound better in the context of a decemberists song?

Oh well....

what can I say?

I'm 18

Sometimes I wake up with a song stuck in my head and the song seems to fit my mood or the current situation in the day. Well this morning I woke up with the song "Odalisque" stuck in my head. An Odalisque is Russian for prostitute. I'm not sure how that applies to today, its a good song none the less.

So anyone up for a day at the brothel?

I am a writer, and yes indeed a writer of fiction. I guess you can even say that I am the heart that Steven calls home. And I guess this is me writing pages upon pages deciding whether or not to rid him from my bones.

I guess it doesn't sound as bad if you put it to the decemberists? haha I doubt it.

So Its been 7 months and I'm realizing that I would like to date other boys, along with Steven, I don't think that would work.

I think the downfall was that we got together right after my shoulder healed and for 6 weeks prior all I did was mope around. I think I miss my freedom, I think I miss first kisses and cuddles and watching sunsets and the red tide glow.

Oh, Dear. We both go down together?

and so does all my love....

I want to go to away for college. Right now I'm at Orange Coast, which is like 20 minutes from my house, which is good because I don't run into any lame people from high school who say " OH MY GOSH EMILY! ARE YOU STILL WITH LANDON? YOU TWO WERE SOOO CUTE TOGETHER!" blah, I think eating chewing gum off a sidewalk in LA is better for me than that boy ever was...I don't care how cute we were. So anyway, I've had my heart on going away. I thought SDSU would be nice because it's far but I can come home for the weekend if I need to. I really really want to go to Oregon though, but then my friend pointed out to me that it would be a waste of money, because I would have to pay out of state for the first year and then i'd only be there another year, so I should just go to the local cal state, save money and then go to Oregon for my masters. I don't think I can take it here much longer though! I know that it definately has its perks, such as the beach being really fricken close and LA is only an hour away so I can go to way awesome shows but BLAH!!! *sigh* I should focus on the positive.

I woke this morning completely out of breath. I had this nightmare that I was a CSI and I was being attacked. My dream resembled an episode I watched with my mom on wednesday night. Anywho I was kicking and yelling in my bed and banged my knee against the wall....ouch. Now I have some weird bruise-thing. I can't shake this I'm out of breath and I feel all shakey. Maybe I should go back to listening to music before I fall asleep. At least dreams about mariners and running from the government are alot less scary.

My cousin Miranda has always been in love with The Beatles. Last May my cousin introduced me to "A Hard Day's night" the movie...and I too fell in love with them.

Well lately I've been having doubts about my boyfriend and I've been day-dreaming about some Colin Meloy-Philip Seymour Hoffman look alike to come along and sweep me off my feet. haha I'm sooo lame.

Oh so the "A Hard Day's Night" thing comes in because I've been listening to that album alot lately *sigh*.

I need to get out of my romantic world.